I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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