Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
