I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
