Christians are straight up FREAKS
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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