Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
