So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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