I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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