my mouth tastes like poor choices
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
