PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
