and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
