Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
