I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
