Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
