So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
