why didn't you poke me back
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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