there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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