i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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