My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
