True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
