I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
