are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
