do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize