does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
