i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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