Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
