It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
