i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
