So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
