I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
