Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
