i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
