my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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