I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize