Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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