My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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