i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
