Just fell off a train. Bad.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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