just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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