i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
