Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
