Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
