Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
