I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
