I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
