yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
