i would punch a child for taco bell
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
