don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
