look no pants
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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