he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
