maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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