we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
