I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
