So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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