i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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