You're so nebulous sometimes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
