Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize