Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
