bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
