I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
