I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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