I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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