I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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