I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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