Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
