fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
