Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
