saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
