theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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