11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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