I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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