Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
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Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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