I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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