if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So. Much. Porn.
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