Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
