don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
